The Dating Game is Changing

Why can’t I ever get a second date with the same guy? I’m doing great at getting a first date, but I’ve been getting ghosted within a few days after every time. What am I doing wrong? ~K

Hi K,

I’ve heard women ask me this question enough times now that I thought it was time to answer it for the group.  Why is it that you had a great date with a man and then after it was over, he ghosted you? There’s one simple reason: He lost interest.

Why did he lose interest? Get yourself a notebook and write these questions down, you’ll want to think about them later.

What did/does he want that he didn’t get or doesn’t think he’s going to get from you?  It’s all about communication!

What did you do on the first date?  What are you supposed to do on the first date?  What is the function of the first date?  It all depends on what you want from him and the potential relationship.  What did you talk about?  What did you do?  Where did you go? If you think the purpose of the first date is to go out and have fun then you completely misunderstand the function of the First Date and every date thereafter.

While you’re dating, I highly recommend you keep a journal and write all this down so you can look at everything that happened on every one of your dates and go over it.  You’ll be able to look at what happened, answer these questions, and fix your mistakes so that they don’t happen again.

You need to focus on what the problem was that happened on the first date and what is causing the problem to reoccur.  If you’re looking for a relationship and he’s looking for a sex partner or a friend with benefits, you should be able to figure that out easily on the first date.

You need to understand what truly happened on your first date(s): You weren’t going out to have fun.  You were going out to see if you’re compatible and to see if you can have a relationship on some level with this person that will make you both happy. 

Here’s how to get a second date with a guy you’re interested in:

Traditional dating dictates that the man provides the money, the girl provides the sex.  That’s where everything goes wrong!  You both get dressed up, go out to eat at a nice restaurant, have some nice wine to loosen up, take a walk or maybe make out in the car a bit on the way home, and then you either have sex or you don’t.  Did you tease him? Did he misunderstand you? How do you know what went wrong? This is why “traditional dating” doesn’t work.  And that’s not what I’m going to teach you.  When should a woman have sex with a man? There’s only one time: When she wants to.

Fixing these problems is easy: Learn what to do to build a truly loving, long-lasting relationship that will make you both happy with my online course How to Get Him to Commit to You Using Class, Style, and Dignity.

I wish you the best of luck next time!


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