Military Man Misery

I really need advice because I’m really confused/upset/not sure what to do.

I have been “dating” this guy without the title for the past 2 months. We do everything together. He spends the night, he pays for dates, he takes me on dates, we are basically dating.

Yesterday, I decided to tell him I wanted more then what we have. His response really confused me. He is in the military and might be moving soon. He said he would know in the next 1-2 months whether or not he would be moving. He said he didn’t want to get involved in a serious relationship if he was to be moving because he thinks he might be moving overseas. He said he wants to just enjoy each others company and what we have right now. He said if he doesn’t move then he’d like to consider a relationship with me but he’s pretty sure he’s going to have to move in the next 3-6 months.

Should I just move on?

Should I start dating other people?

Should I end what we have now?

I don’t want to get hurt!!! That’s the biggest thing for me is I don’t want to get hurt.

We act just like a couple he pays, he stays the night, we hold hands in public, kiss etc. etc. I’m just so confused. I feel like he wants the benefits of being in a relationship without the title of “gf/bf”

What would you do?

Should I wait to see if he’s actually moving or not?


Hi M,

If you just want something fun and casual then dating a military man is fine. But if you’re looking for anything serious then you’re wasting your time with a military man because he’s only going to be stationed there for a limited period of time.

He goes where he’s told to go and he’s told when he has to go. It’s unlikely he’ll know how long he’ll be there. The one thing he does know is any relationship he gets involved in is going to have a definite beginning, middle and end.

He has already accepted this is a short term relationship and he’s enjoying it as much as he can while it lasts.

So he’s not looking for anything serious. He even told you that. Depending on how much he likes you he’ll tell you anything you want to hear just to keep you around. No matter how you look at this, if you‘re looking for a long term relationship this is a no win situation for you. If all you want is something that’s fun and casual with no strings attached then getting involved with a military man might be what you’re looking for. It’s highly unlikely you’ll be the only woman he’s seeing. Basically he just wants to get laid. When you look at it from his perspective rather than yours his attitude and all of his behavior makes sense.

You say you don’t want to get hurt but you’ve already been hurt and if you try to drag this relationship out you’ll just get hurt even more. Please choose wisely.

Bryan Redfield

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