Christian Dating The Simple Way

Is it okay to ask a Christian guy if he’s interested in me or wants to date? If it is please then tell me how to do it.

Here’s our background.

I’m a 47 year old single Christian woman. He’s a 50 year old divorced Christian man. He was married 14 years ago but is divorced and has dated since then.

We went out twice for lunch and chatted via texts.

Was supposed to meet last Sunday for a short walk but he has been busy with looking at open houses. He got a pre approved mortgage and it’s taking up a lot of his free time.

I’m just curious to know how I find out if he’s interested in more than friendship. Is it okay to ask him if he’s interested in me and wants to date? Is it too early to ask him? Or is it wiser to just wait and see what happens?

If it is okay to ask him please tell me how I should do that.

Thank you. ~S

Hi S,

Thank you for your question.

Can you ask if he wants to date? Yes, you can but there is a much safer, less threatening and more effective way to do it.

Let me explain.

It isn’t just finding out if he wants to take your relationship to the next level by adding romance to it. It’s doing it with class, style and dignity without compromising your self respect or your integrity.

You want him to know you’re a quality woman looking for an honest relationship with a quality man that could lead to something serious if everything works out. As an intelligent woman you want him to know you have high moral standards, too.

Here’s how you do that.

Ask him what he likes to do in his spare time. Find something he enjoys doing that you enjoy doing. That’s the key: that you both enjoy doing it so you’ll both have fun. Then just find that activity in your area.

Let’s say, for the sake of example, you both like museums. When you talk with him again say, “I found this museum I think we’d both enjoy. Maybe we could go there sometime.” And see what he says.

The wonderful thing about handling the situation this way is you’re not technically asking him out so he can’t technically reject you.

His response will give you all the answers you want, need and desire about whether or not you can take your relationship with him to the next level, which is adding romance to it.

The important thing is whatever activity you choose make absolutely certain you do it in the daytime, not nighttime. Why? Because daytime is less threatening and it gives you a low key way to get to know each other.

Don’t let the good things in life rob you of the best things in life.

~Bryan Redfield

Do YOU need advice? Submit a Question HERE

Drinking or Marital Death? Your Choice

I love my husband but he says he can’t stop drinking and he doesn’t want to. How can I help him? He’s not abusive. I just don’t want him to hurt himself. ~G

Hi G,

I was a bartender in Hollywood for 14 years. During that time I served non drinkers, light drinkers, heavy drinkers and flat out alcoholics.

Over the years I talked with hard core alcoholics who became non drinkers. I asked them how they got sober. They all had the same answer: “I achieved sobriety one day at a time.” A lot of them said they went to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous.)

I asked them, “How do you get an alcoholic to stop drinking?” Because I was their bartender and their friend they gladly told me the truth.

They all said, “Bryan, there is only one way to get someone to stop drinking and that’s when they want to. If they don’t want to stop drinking then there is nothing you can do to help them except walk away. Because if you stick around all they will do is just drag you down with them.”

These men and women who were hard core alcoholics and achieved sobriety all lost their jobs, their families, their husbands and wives, all their friends, all their money and their self respect before they got sober.

They all got their knowledge and PhDs from the greatest university in the world, The School Of Hard Knocks. I will match that expertise against any expert you can find and I will always win because nothing beats real world, first hand personal experience.

They said, “You can take alcohol away from someone. You can force them to go to rehab. You can lock them in a room. But as soon as they get out they’re going to go right back to drinking and there’s nothing you can say or do about it. They will keep on drinking until they have run out of money, as well as family and friends they can abuse and con out of another drink. If you’re involved with an alcoholic the only person you can save from this situation is yourself. The sooner you accept that the easier your life will be.”

I know this isn’t the answer you wanted but it is the truth straight from the mouths of the greatest and most qualified experts on sobriety that ever lived: The men and women who were once alcoholics and gained their sobriety one day at a time.

The exact same advice holds true for drug addicts because over the years I talked with them, too, and they said the exact same thing the alcoholics who gained sobriety said.

You said your husband has no desire to stop drinking. That leaves you with a very difficult choice to make: Walk away from this marriage and save yourself or go down with him. I’m sorry. I wish it was easier but it isn’t.

Don’t let the good things in life rob you of the best things in life.

Bryan Redfield

Do YOU have a Question you need answers for? Submit a Question HERE

Introduction

Welcome! This blog is the home of Bryan Redfield, your new favorite advice columnist for all things relating to human relationships and interactions.

Have you got problems in your relationship? Are you afraid you’re seeing signs that your partner isn’t the right one for you? Are you worried about the stability of your marriage? Do you feel “stuck” being single and can’t figure out a way to meet someone you might fall in love with?

All these questions and more will be answered in thoughtful detail! If you would like a question answered, please Submit a Question here and I’ll write a personalized response on the blog. Don’t worry, your name and details will be confidential!

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