One evening she came in all alone and sat down in front of me, visibly upset.
I smiled warmly and said, “Hi Jennifer. What would you like?”
“I’ll have my usual,” she said, desperately trying to control her emotions.
I made her drink and put it down in front of her. I smiled and said, “How are you doing?”
She tried her best, but she couldn’t keep it in any longer. She burst into tears, and everything poured out…
“I’m sorry, Bryan, I don’t mean to cry. I’m so upset. I’m depressed. I’m frustrated and I’m angry. I’m at my wits’ end. I just don’t know what to do…”
I gently asked her, “Would you like to talk about it?”
She bit her lip and nodded.
“Hold on a second.” I checked the rest of my customers. They were all doing fine. It was a slow Monday night so I had time to talk with her. I gently asked her, “What’s wrong?”
“It’s all about Scott. Every time I bring marriage up his walls go up and he shuts down. He refuses to even talk about it now. All we do is fight and argue. I’m tired of the fights and arguments. I’m tired of the headaches and upset stomach. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.”
“Why are you scared?”
“I’m scared that there’s something wrong with me. That I’ll have to settle for less than what I want. That I’m wasting my time in this relationship. I’m scared of growing old alone.”
“How long have you two been together?”
“Two years, one month, three weeks, and six days… but who’s counting?” she said with a sheepish grin. She took a deep breath and continued, “…I wish I could find out the real reason why he won’t even talk about marriage.”
She seemed exasperated and completely drained.
I listened carefully and gave her emotional support as best I could, the kind that can only come from a trusted friend. But I wasn’t able to give her any solutions that worked because at the time I didn’t know any. When she left she felt a little better but she was still stuck, frustrated and lost.
But before I go any further,
let me introduce myself properly…
My name is Bryan Redfield. I studied psychology at UCLA. Then I became a bartender in Hollywood. I was a bartender for 14 years.
Jennifer agreed to let me tell you her embarrassing story because she wants to help as many women as she can and she knows first hand how difficult this is until you know what you’re doing.
So let me tell you how her whole life changed in just a few short months.
One day Jennifer came in after a really nasty fight with Scott and told me every painful detail about her relationship.
She was so upset she was in tears and shaking uncontrollably.
As the tears rolled down her cheeks she said she just couldn’t figure out why Scott was so against marriage.
She told me she felt unwanted, unworthy and inadequate. She said she didn’t know how to deal with his walls or his resistance.
She said she didn’t know what she was doing wrong. She said she didn’t know where to go for help because she’d looked everywhere she could think of.
It ripped my heart out.
What hurt even more was this wasn’t the first time I’d heard this story.
So as I stood there listening to Jennifer, I made a promise to myself. I was going to do everything in my power to help Jennifer and Scott… I was going to do whatever it took to find answers that worked… because doing nothing was not an option anymore.
I knew the answers were out there but where???
So I started to research ways to get him to commit.
I spent all my free time desperately searching every place I could think of for constructive help, for something that actually worked.
For the next six months I scoured the internet and read through every advice article I could get my hands on. I visited blogs, websites and even Pinterest for help.
I went on YouTube. I watched every video and listened to every audio I could find there. I Googled everything I could think of. I went on Amazon and looked at every expert and book.
I looked at psychologists, relationship experts, dating coaches, marriage counselors–everyone.
But I found nothing new. Just the same old tired advice of…
Games, tricks, manipulation techniques and other worthless advice that you or any other woman listening to my story today has heard a million times before.
Advice any decent woman would deeply regret trying because it would make any man end the relationship… permanently.
The more research I did the more depressed I got. It made me angry just reading about it. It was driving me crazy.
What makes for a marriage where they’re both happy? Jennifer needed solutions that would allow her to hold her head up high and be proud of what she did.
Nothing I found worked. I felt terrible.
I finally understood why these women were at their wits’ end because I was at my wits’ end.
But just when I was about to
give up, a miracle happened…
Call it luck. Call it fate. Call it destiny. Call it whatever you want.
It was Sunday, June 17th at 7:26pm. It’s so clear in my mind that I remember it like it was yesterday.
Jason and Cynthia, two of my regular customers, who were always a joy to see, walked into the bar that night. They were holding hands.
I can’t really explain what made them come in when they did, but I’m eternally grateful for their timing, because what happened next would literally save Jennifer’s relationship and change her life forever.
After Jason and Cynthia sat down I got them their usual and asked them how they were. “We’re doing great. We’re celebrating our sixteenth wedding anniversary.”
I smiled warmly and said, “Congratulations! I couldn’t be happier for you… Did you two always get along like this?”
They both laughed. She said, “No, we used to fight and argue all the time. I wanted to get married, he didn’t. He had all these walls and resistance to getting married and it was driving me nuts until I finally figured out what to do.”
He smiled and said, “Boy, did she ever. She gets all the credit. I kept rebelling over the idea of marriage any time she brought it up. Our arguments got so bad I refused to talk about it. But now we both couldn’t be happier. Marrying her was one of the smartest things I ever did. As a matter of fact we’re both so happy now I’m afraid I’ll wake up and find out it was a dream.”
They looked at each other and smiled.
I just stood there in shocked silence.
All the answers I’d searched for in vain for the last six months, all the answers Jennifer desperately needed, were sitting right there in front of me.
They’d been walking into the bar every night in the form of happily married couples all along. It just never occurred to me before.
I asked them if there was any way they’d be willing to share their secrets. They invited me over to their apartment the next week for a visit, so we could chat about it without being interrupted. I was grateful; I took very detailed notes about everything they said.
When it was time for me to leave I said, “I don’t know how to thank you for this.”
They both smiled and said, “Helping Jennifer establish the kind of relationship we have is thanks enough. If you have any more questions just give us a call. You can come over any time you want.” I thanked them and left.
I learned more in one afternoon than I’d learned in six months of intense research… all because I finally found the people with the real answers about what works, what doesn’t and why.
I spent the next several weeks talking with other happily married couples that came into the bar for their night out. I was so excited I couldn’t wait to get to work each evening. I had the incredible benefit of hearing both sides of the story: The men with the walls and the women that had to deal with them.
The men, and how they behaved when they were with a woman they were deeply in love with, revealed the key.
The happily married couples firmly believed that by using straightforward, ethical principles we would be able to create a powerful relationship formula that could be used by anyone to establish a deeply committed, long lasting, romantic relationship.
And they had their relationship to prove it.
Jennifer started the program right away, following the exact protocol that the happily married couples had recommended.
At the beginning of the fourth month, something incredible happened. Jennifer came in with a huge smile on her face. She said Scott brought up marriage for the first time on his own without her talking about it.
Over the next few months Jennifer continued to come in. She said the changes continued. She said his walls and his resistance started to melt away naturally. She said there were no more fights. There were no more arguments. There was no more friction. It was nothing short of a miracle.
She said she was happy for the first time in months. Jennifer and I couldn’t believe what we were seeing. Each time she came in she was more confident and more relaxed. Nothing was forced. It was all effortless. We talked over what she was doing. We kept careful, detailed notes. It was electrifying.
I went back to the happily married couples and talked it out with them. I wrote down their advice and notes.
And then it happened…
Jennifer walked in holding hands with a man. She had a huge smile on her face. She said, “Bryan, I’d like to introduce you to Scott, my fiance.“
I smiled warmly and said, “Congratulations. It’s a pleasure meeting you Scott.”
As they left Jennifer turned around and mouthed, “Thank you.” I smiled and mouthed, “You’re welcome” and gave her the thumbs up sign. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It really did work, and I was desperate to get this relationship protocol out to the women that needed it as soon as possible.
At the same time, I was well aware that we’d only trialed it on one woman. I needed more proof. So over the next few weeks, I told all my women regulars I was looking for volunteers.
Word spread fast. My only two requirements were that they were serious about getting married and they’d come back to me with their results. I explained my research and asked them to try out my System.
In total, 106 women, in various stages of relationships, agreed to take part in the experiment.
They all asked me up front how long it would take to see results.
That’s when my lucky streak continued, because I found a recent study by the Jeweler’s Mutual Insurance Group. They conducted a study of 2000 engaged or recently married men and found that he knows within seven months of dating if his partner is “the one.”
Now we had the facts about how long it would take. The women already involved with a man had a head start.
In just thirty short days 100% of the women discovered whether or not they were wasting their time in a dead end relationship because he just wasn’t marriage material. They were excited because now they knew what to look for in a man and in a relationship. They also knew how to establish it quickly and naturally. At each woman’s request I kept detailed notes on their age, physical appearance and background because some of them were convinced their personal story guaranteed they’d never get married.
Within 12 months of starting the protocol 101 of the 106 women were either engaged or married or involved in a serious relationship they believed would end in marriage. The others had discovered that they’d been with the wrong man all along and had started looking for the right one, using the tools I gave them. At that moment, I knew that I couldn’t keep this revelation a secret any longer.
I had discovered what I now call The Three Pillars of a Successful, Long Term, Romantic Relationship. Every single one of the happily married couples said they were the foundation of their relationship. I had shared these Pillars with the women and gotten irrefutable confirmation that when these methods were properly applied, they worked effortlessly.
I knew then that I had to spread this news far and wide to other women who were stuck in the same situation. Wait until you see how easy this is once you know what you’re doing!
Your friend and Relationship coach,